


When the Doctor Was Me

by jilloreilly



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst and Feels, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cute, Cute Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who Feels, Eleventh Doctor Era, Feels, Goodbyes, Happy, How Do I Tag, Mentioned Amy Pond (Doctor Who), Mentioned Rory Williams, POV Eleventh Doctor, Regeneration, Season Finale, Self-Reflection, but also sad, what a bean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 02:44:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20631803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilloreilly/pseuds/jilloreilly
Summary: The Eleventh Doctor is going to miss this version of himself.





	When the Doctor Was Me

**Author's Note:**

> Very short. Just some thoughts from The Doctor's point-of-view, which is really just me fangirling over Matt Smith. Enjoy :)

“I will always remember when the Doctor was me.” 

Of course. How could he EVER forget this life?  
He was so happy. It seemed to come naturally to this version of himself.  
Every little thing was incredible.  
900 years of being alive, and every little thing still amazed him. The stars in the sky, the laugh of someone truly happy, the way humans smiled at the smallest acts of kindness. He’d never seen the universe through these eyes before. It was funny how this version of himself just seemed to radiate the good he saw.  
Oh, he’d miss this.  
He’d miss his suspenders and his fez and his bow-ties and his smile that reached the very corners of his eyes and illuminate his entire face.  
And Amy Pond. The Girl Who Waited. Rory, who had waited so long for her. They’d fought space and time to be together. The Doctor had even gotten to dance at their wedding. And no matter how embarrassing they’d said he looked, he knew he was the best one out there.  
Good Lord, but the universe was lovely.  
All silver and blue and endless, sparkling with possibility and brimming with life in every corner. What if he didn’t see it this way next time? Nobody knew better than him that time MUST move forward; everything had a rhyme and a reason, and that reason kept the world moving. But...that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt a little when time decided to move on before you were ready.  
Maybe this time, he thought, I’ll finally be a ginger.  
The universe is in constant motion. Not just the kind we can see, but the growth, the evolution of life. And he was a part of that. He was The Doctor. This was the way he had to live.  
Oh, it was hard not to be excited under all those nerves.  
As long as the universe went on, so did The Doctor.  
New life. New possibilities.  
A wise man by the name of Vincent Van Gogh had once told him to “try to see what I see. We’re so lucky we’re still alive to see this beautiful world. Look at the sky. It’s not dark and black and without character. The black is in fact deep blue.  
“And over there! Lights are blue. And blue in through the blueness, and the blackness, the winds swirling through the air… and then shining. Burning, bursting through! The stars, can you see how they roll their light? Everywhere we look, complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes.”  
He’d had the most beautiful soul of anyone The Doctor had ever met. A nine-hundred-year-old Time Lord, and he was changed so dramatically by one man with a paintbrush and head full of magic. Vincent had been right about every word. Starry Night had been alive in his mind all along.  
How lucky they were to be a part of it all.  
That was the bittersweet part. Sure, all this time of being alive, he’d gotten to stick around for all those incredible sights, but…  
He had to move on and become someone else every time he got close enough to really BE somebody. All that time in the universe, and he never had time to really become someone.  
Well, perhaps this version of himself HAD been somebody.  
He’d connected.  
He’d made a life for himself.  
And now it was time to go. Time to start all over.  
It was lonely being The Doctor.  
But time was ever in motion, and so was he. He changed, grew, and evolved with it.  
The Doctor swallowed the lump forming in his throat and pushed away the tears threatening to fill his wide eyes. Oh, he couldn’t wait to see what came next. 

He'd remember this life. He was sure of that. He'd always remember when The Doctor was him.


End file.
